Things She Isn't
by Ijemanja
Summary: She's been thinking she needs to get out more. CameronCuddy.


Notes: Written for wisdomeagle, in a femslash ficathon on livejournal.

Summary: She's been thinking she needs to get out more. Cameron/Cuddy.

Things She Isn't  
by Ijemanja

* * *

She's been thinking she needs to get out more. 

Well, of course she needs to get out more - that should go without saying. The point is, she's finally doing something about it. Which is how she finds herself here, at a reception held by the Princeton branch of the AMWA, with a glass of cheap wine in her hand and a nametag stuck to her chest.

At the moment she's talking to a cardiologist who works over at County. She's a tall, friendly woman in her late thirties. Her name is Karen Wyatt. And she is, Cameron thinks, almost definitely hitting on her.

'I haven't seen you at one of these things before. I'm sure I would have remembered.'

Yes, definitely hitting on her.

Cameron keeps a polite smile on her face and tells the woman this is her first time attending.

'Well they do say the first time's the hardest, don't they?'

She's wondering whether laughing at that would be construed as flirting back, when suddenly she sees a familiar face approaching them.

'Dr Cuddy.' She has a far more genuine smile for the woman she works for. In fact, she's almost pathetically glad to see her just now.

'Dr Cameron, nice to see you here.'

'Oh Lisa, hi.' Dr Wyatt greets Cuddy enthusiastically, and nods towards Cameron. 'So she's one of yours?'

'Yes she is. Dr Cameron works with Greg House.'

'Lord, you must have the patience of a saint.'

'He's not as bad to work with as most people think,' Cameron offers.

'And diplomatic too. Lisa, where have you been hiding this one - you always keep all the good ones to yourself.'

'I'm fairly sure I haven't been hiding her anywhere. Dr Cameron, would you excuse us for a moment?' Cuddy says through a rather tight smile before dragging the other woman away.

She returns a few minutes later and apologises for her friend.

'She can be a little overwhelming,' she says. 'Here, why don't you let me introduce you to a few people?'

Within minutes Cuddy has installed her in the midst of a group consisting mostly of residents, along with a few interns and a PhD student. They're perfectly nice people and Cameron lets herself be drawn into the conversation, because it's just easier this way and no one likes being alone in a crowd. But at the same time she's very aware that she's been seated at the kiddie table.

Cameron has to wonder if this is what Cuddy sees in her - someone who's socially inept? A shy girl who needs a hand to hold? She's not either of those things, and it's slightly galling that Cuddy doesn't know that.

She can't help but keep an eye on Cuddy as she works the room. Everyone knows her, it seems, everyone wants to be around her. It's not all her position, either, she can tell - Cuddy's just one of those people, the kind of person other people are drawn to.

And while she isn't shy or socially inept, Cameron knows she's not that, either.

x

Dr Wyatt finds her later, as things are drawing to a close.

'I hope I didn't scare you off earlier,' she says with a smile that is still friendly, just not quite so predatory.

'Not at all,' Cameron replies. She's embarrassed that people seem to think she needs to be taken care of.

'I don't want you thinking we all view these events as lesbian singles nights. Lisa certainly doesn't, anyway - though don't let her professional shtick fool you, she has a decent enough list of conquests herself.'

Cameron blinks at that. 'Really?'

'Oh, she and I aren't together, if that's what you were thinking, god no. We tried it a few years back - big disaster. Though I could point out a couple other women in the room right now who'd tell you the same story.'

She's not sure what her face must look like at this onslaught of information. It must be mostly surprise, though, because the next words out of the other woman's mouth are amused.

'Didn't know your boss was such a heart-breaker, huh? Now you can see why I thought she was keeping you all to herself. Don't worry, she set me straight -' she quirks her mouth. 'Probably not the best choice of words.'

'What did she say about me?' Cameron asks, disturbed, and suddenly she _knows_ that's a worried frown on her face.

'Oh nothing juicy, promise, just that as far as she knows you're as straight as a post. Then she scolded me for pouncing on a new girl. It's a bad habit, I know. I really need to work on it.'

'Straight as a post?' she echoes incredulously.

'Hey, if you ever want to work on that, give me a call.' Dr Wyatt hands over a business card with a playful smile before leaving her alone again.

So the evening hasn't been a total loss, she thinks later as she's on her way home.

She's met some people, gotten hit on, discovered Cuddy is not only a lesbian - something Cameron never knew but wonders now whether she shouldn't have - she also seems to go around discussing other people's sexual preferences with anyone who'll listen.

And then there's the fact that Cuddy doesn't seem to think much of her at all. She doesn't know why this bothers her so much, but it does. There are all these things she's not, and Cuddy doesn't know any of them, and it bothers her.

Being more social was supposed to be a positive thing. She's starting to wish she'd stayed home.

x

Sometimes she gets sick of being around men all the time. Or rather, these three men she spends most of her life with these days. They're people she knows well, yes, but they're not always people she can talk to. And with this on her mind, she can't talk to them at all - not Chase, not even Foreman. Certainly not House. He'd just make it his latest crusade to find out what happened and why it's worrying her, and then expound on every little tiny detail until she wanted to scream.

So she doesn't go to House. Or Wilson either, because though he's taken it upon himself to become the font of all knowledge where his best friend is concerned, she's not sure how he'd react if she started questioning him about Cuddy.

Which really only leaves one person.

x

She finds Cuddy outside around noon, and it's obviously a working lunch, with files spread out across the table. When she sits down across from her, Cuddy looks up in mild surprise which quickly turns sour.

'Oh what is it this time?' she demands.

Since Cameron usually only goes to Cuddy when she's on an errand for House, or is in fact going over House's head about something he's done, she doesn't blame the woman for this reaction. She's suddenly conscious of the fact that Cuddy really only sees her as part of House's team, as a junior member of staff - even if working with House comes with greater access to her office than most. But she presses on anyway.

'It's not about House. It's about the other night - the AMWA reception?'

'Oh, well then.' Cuddy deflates, shaking her head a little as she switches focus. 'Are you on the email list? There's an osteoporosis seminar in Trenton this weekend, you should think about attending.'

She nods. 'Maybe. But I was actually wondering about your friend - Dr Wyatt? I wanted to know what you told her about me.'

Cuddy stares at her, looking baffled by the topic. 'I... don't think I recall every word of our conversation that night, but I can assure you very little of it was about you, Dr Cameron.'

'You told her I was straight.'

'Aren't you?'

'What I am isn't the point - I don't appreciate being a topic of discussion amongst people who don't know me at all.'

'I'm sorry,' Cuddy says with a short laugh, clearly amused more than anything by the sudden scolding. 'I shouldn't have made that assumption - if you want I can give you Karen's number.'

It's a joke, though. Cuddy thinks this is funny, that Cameron isn't to be taken seriously. It bothers her, and she counters: 'Actually she already gave it to me.'

'Well, I'm not surprised, she hasn't listened to me in years.' She shrugs and shuffles some papers around. and drawls, 'Was there anything else?'

'You're not the only one who's been making assumptions. I mean, I didn't know you were gay.'

That certainly gets her attention. Cameron knows she can be blunt to a fault, but sometimes it does work in her favour. And the thing is, she's always thought that people should be open and honest no matter what, and somehow, with this new knowledge about Cuddy, she feels like she's been lied to. Though she's not sure when precisely, or by whom.

'It's not exactly a big secret, Dr Cameron,' Cuddy drawls, recovering. Though the slight frown on her face now lets Cameron know she thinks this is inappropriate.

'I didn't know,' she points out.

'Ever think maybe there's a difference between what everyone knows and what people tell _you_?'

'I'm sorry. I did just assume, I mean, the way you act with House -' She stops talking as a look of understanding appears on Cuddy's face. Of course - Cuddy thinks this is all about House. And again, Cameron can't really blame her. Even when it's not about work, things always seem to come back to him.

'The way I act with House?' Cuddy repeats pointedly. 'Or the way _he_ acts with _me_?'

She shrugs, growing uncertain. 'You both flirt.'

Cuddy rolls her eyes and speaks impatiently. 'Look, the only reason he behaves the way he does with me is because he knows there's no chance of me ever reciprocating. I'm safe as far as he's concerned - he can leer and flirt as much as he wants, and I'll never expect anything else. House is just a big coward when it comes to women and _so_ passive aggressive it's pathetic - these are things you of all people should know.'

'I'm not interested in House anymore.'

'Really.' She doesn't sound convinced. 'Well I can't say I'm sorry to hear it. If you want some advice Dr Cameron, even though I'm sure you've heard it before - keeping your personal and private lives separate really is the best policy.'

'You didn't seem to have a problem with me dating House.'

'You're surprised that I hold myself to a higher standard than I do him?'

'No...' She trails off because suddenly she's run out of things to say.

Cuddy seems to sense this, because she sighs and looks down at her watch. 'Is there anything else you need me to clear up for you, Dr Cameron?'

The dismissal couldn't be more obvious, and though Cameron doesn't mind pushing people when she has to, she's not suicidal, and she's not House. So she stands up and apologises.

'No, I'm sorry, I've taken up enough of your time.'

Cuddy blinks at the sudden courtesy, and looks up at Cameron for a moment like she's trying to figure her out.

Cameron can't help her there much - she's still not sure herself what she wanted from the encounter. And so she can't say whether or not she got it.

x

The following evening Cameron draws straws with Chase and Foreman to see who'll be staying to monitor their latest patient overnight. As it turns out, she'll be the one watching Veronica Mars on the television in House's office, Chase will be showing up around midnight to relieve her, and Foreman's going home with a smile on his face and a full night's sleep ahead of him.

Left alone with a patient who seems stable enough for the time being, she would usually grab some dinner in the cafeteria, but she's more restless than hungry. Instead she grabs the sweats she keeps at work for just such occasions and heads up to the physio-therapy department. With no patients receiving therapy at night, the gym is almost always deserted, just the odd member of staff such as herself availing herself of the facilities and the chance to work out in peace.

When she emerges from the locker room she has to stop for a moment. If she believed in fate, she'd think it was smiling on her, or possibly toying with her - she isn't sure which. But she doesn't believe in fate, so this is just a coincidence.

'Are you stalking me Dr Cameron?' Cuddy says, keeping up a steady jog on one of the treadmills.

'I didn't know anyone would be here,' she replies. Which she didn't. But she's not the type to let an opportunity pass her by, so she moves to the machine next to Cuddy's. 'Hope you don't mind the company.'

'Not at all.'

Cuddy's clearly been running for a while, temples damp with perspiration even in the dry, air-conditioned room. Cameron keeps stealing glancing at her out of the corner of her eye. Maybe she's admiring the woman's form, her effortless stride - maybe other things, too.

She doesn't think she's being obvious about it, until Cuddy looks over and says, 'Is there something I can help you with, Dr Cameron?'

Well, she's been thinking about this. What she really wants to know is why Cuddy doesn't seem to _notice_ her. But she doesn't know how to put that into words just yet. So she thinks back to their conversation at lunch the previous day and comes up with: 'You've really never dated someone you work with?'

Cuddy looks at her askance. But she answers, and Cameron has to think that's something, at least.

'In the past, when I was younger, yeah - I've made the same mistakes everyone makes. These days, when I have two minutes to myself, I try not to get involved with people who work for me.'

She hears what Cuddy isn't saying - that she's young and naive, that she doesn't know any better, that she should start learning.

She wonders what Cuddy has heard about her lately, whether she knows about what happened with Chase. She really hopes not because enough people know about that already. Everyone makes mistakes, though. At least this time, Cameron thinks, she knows she's in the middle of making another one.

'You don't like me very much, do you?' she asks then, and there's a long pause before Cuddy responds.

'To be perfectly honest,' she says, focusing down at the treadmill's control panel as she brings her speed down a little, 'Up until this moment I hadn't given the topic a lot of thought.'

'And what about right now?'

More pressing of buttons and Cuddy's machine stops altogether. Cuddy turns towards her, leaning on the bar, panting a little. Cameron does the same - she can't face her and run at the same time.

'You've got a decent academic record,' Cuddy says flatly. 'You do your best in a sometimes difficult working situation. I definitely like the fact that you can handle House where many others have tried and failed. Other than that, I'm not sure what you want me to say.'

'Don't you?'

It should be obvious by now.

After all, it's not like Cameron has a problem being straightforward. She opens her mouth and these things come out and occasionally she thinks she'd be better off taking a vow of silence. Most of the time, though, she thinks she'd never get anywhere if she didn't speak up and ask for what she wants. Even when people don't want to hear it.

Like right now. Like Cuddy, turning her back and walking away, doesn't want to hear it.

x

She doesn't know what she's doing. Well, she knows she's getting off the treadmill and following Cuddy into the locker room, but beyond that - not a clue.

Cuddy looks up as she enters. 'You are stalking me, aren't you?' she demands, exasperated but still amused at the same time.

'Yes, I'm stalking you,' she deadpans.

Cuddy straightens up from removing her sneakers and considers Cameron thoughtfully. 'So why all this sudden interest? And what would House say about it? Don't you think he'd be hurt to know you've turned your attention to someone else? That is what this is, isn't it? I wouldn't want to assume anything.' Her tone is dripping with sarcasm, but in her job, Cameron's developed an immunity to sarcasm and it just rolls right over her.

'I can't begin to tell you how sick I am of everything being about House,' she tells Cuddy directly as she moves closer.

She sees it in Cuddy's eyes when she finally gets the idea that Cameron is being serious. It's like a little victory all on its own.

She takes another step and pauses, almost close enough to touch now. She asks herself if this is what she wants, if this is what she came in here for. And then she thinks yes, of course it is. Because she isn't House, and she isn't a coward when it comes to women.

So she takes that last step, and she kisses her boss. Funny, it's not the boss she ever thought she'd end up kissing. But now she's got her boss pinned against a locker, a tongue in her boss's mouth, and she can't imagine that kissing House would be any better.

Cuddy is making these little sounds that seem to be about half protest, half pleasure, but she's definitely kissing back. Her lips are soft and her upper arms are smooth and supple where Cameron's holding onto her and it's been way too long, she thinks, since she made out with a woman.

Eventually she eases back a little and Cuddy opens her eyes and stares at her. 'Dr Cameron -' she begins.

'You can call me Allison.'

'Allison,' she breathes out. 'Okay. Allison. I make it a rule not to get involved with colleagues. So I'm not sure what, exactly, you think is going on here, or is going to go on here, but -'

'I think you're interesting,' she blurts out, because Cuddy is starting to ramble and she really needs to stop that before it gets out of hand. 'And really attractive. And I admire you.'

'Well... thank you,' Cuddy says, even more taken aback at that. 'But I still don't -'

'Well maybe you _should_ think about dating a colleague. It can't be any worse than using an internet service to meet people. There are some things I do actually hear about,' she adds when Cuddy raises an eyebrow at her.

'Maybe I just don't like you, Dr Cameron,' she snaps. 'But then, you probably won't believe that - you seem awfully confident about your charms.'

'You're right. I don't believe you. But it's not because I can't conceive of anyone not being attracted to me. It's just that you could have told me to leave you alone anytime and you haven't. You're not House, but you're not that polite, either.'

Cuddy must work out a lot, it seems, because she has all sorts of muscles which she suddenly uses to flip them both around so that she's the one pushing Cameron up against the lockers.

'You're right, I'm not. And I'm not getting involved with you, Dr Cameron.'

'I heard you the first few times.'

Cuddy looks her up and down, taking her time, then nods. 'Just so we're clear.' Then her weight shifts, and her hands, which were pressing down on Cameron's shoulders, move to rest on her hips instead.

And then Cameron's kissing her boss again, and this time it isn't even her idea. Well, not just her idea, anyway. She certainly doesn't have any problem with Cuddy taking the initiative, especially not when that involves Cuddy sliding a hand down the front of Cameron's yoga pants.

Her head falls back against the metal door propping her up when the tip of a finger slides over her clit. Cuddy's lips go to her throat and she widens her stance and stares unseeing at the ceiling, focusing on those lips, on that touch. She moves her hands under Cuddy's tank top, pushing it up to cradle her ribcage.

Cuddy's skin is still flushed and warm from the exercise. When Cuddy's mouth returns to hers she finds her upper lip tastes of salt. So does her clavicle, and the thin skin over her sternum when she dips her tongue between Cuddy's breasts. She murmurs a protest against that warm, salt-flavoured flesh when Cuddy draws the hand from between her thighs to pull her top off over her head, then reaching to do the same with Cameron's.

Cameron moves forward then, urging Cuddy with hands at her waist down to the bench that runs alongside the wall of lockers. She tugs at the rest of Cuddy's clothes till she has the woman stripped and laid out bare, then on her knees she manoeuvres one of those toned legs over her shoulder and lowers her mouth to Cuddy's sex.

Her nose is full of the scent of her, buried in soft dark hair. Her lips close over Cuddy's clitoris and her fingers slip inside. She's going down on her boss, using her mouth and hands to make Cuddy come screaming - which she almost does except for the part where she lets out a low, throaty cry instead with her arms thrown over her head and her back arching up off the hard wooden bench.

It's so incredibly sexy Cameron can hardly believe it, the taste and sound and smell of her. She climbs up and straddles Cuddy's hips, Cuddy who sits up to meet her, arms going around her back and meeting her in a kiss.

No matter what might happen afterwards, she thinks, as Cuddy's hand moves back between her thighs, this is so worth it.

And when it comes down to it, this is why she is the way she is - sometimes she's left empty and unfulfilled, but then sometimes something will happen, something like Cuddy lowering her head and licking her nipple and laughing at her when she gasps. Sometimes it all works out.

x

Her beeper doesn't go off until they're getting dressed and Cameron, who really doesn't believe in fate, decides to think of it as a stroke of luck instead. That is, until she reads the message.

'I've got to go.' She throws on her shirt and shoves her feet into her shoes, grabs her lab coat and runs out of the locker room.

As she takes the stairs two at a time it occurs to her that if a patient dies because she was screwing her boss three floors away, she'll never forgive herself.

But as it turns out, the patient isn't dying - or no more than he was when the rest of the team went home earlier that evening - he's just vomiting blood, that's all. Dealing with that takes a while, but eventually she manages to get away so she can call House about adding a new symptom to the whiteboard. That's when she discovers Cuddy hovering at the nurse's station.

'How's he doing?' She nods back towards the patient's room.

'He's stable for now,' Cameron tells her. The relief is clear in her voice, and she finds it reflected in Cuddy's face.

When it comes to accountability at least, it seems she and Cuddy have very similar outlooks.

'This would be one of those good reasons for not getting involved with people at work.'

'Yeah,' Cameron agrees soberly. 'Maybe what happened up there was a little stupid.'

'Yeah, a little.' Cuddy rolls her eyes and turns to go.

'But what about outside work?' Cuddy looks back at her, eyebrows raised. She shrugs. 'We're not on duty all the time.'

x

The next night she heads up to physio again. She's not sure how she let the guys talk her into taking this shift two nights in a row. Or maybe she does.

Cuddy doesn't say anything when Cameron enters from the locker room, only speaking once she's started an easy warm-up on the next treadmill over.

'Dr Cameron.'

'Dr Cuddy.'

She tries not to smile at this too-casual greeting, but can't help it, not when Cuddy continues: 'I'm not sure if you're aware, Dr Cameron, but there's an osteoporosis seminar this Saturday over in Trenton. You should try to make it.'

'Sounds good.' Cameron's looking straight ahead but she's aware of it when Cuddy presses a button and slows down a little. Suddenly they're keeping pace. 'I've been thinking I should get out more,' she adds.

'That's funny,' Cuddy replies, 'So have I.'

end


End file.
